IP Democracy: Notes from the FCBA Chairman's Dinner

An unfortunate auto incident by a unnamed member of my household -- the second such crack-up in a month -- kept me away from last night's FCBA dinner honoring FCC Chairman Kevin Martin. But erstwhile IP Democracy contributor and great pal Gary Arlen of Arlen Communications was there and reports on the event.

(Washington, DC) At the annual Federal Communications Bar Association fund-raising Chairman's Dinner last night FCC Chairman Kevin Martin made his typically pained "humorous" presentation. After admitting that this speech is one of his least favorite functions, Martin offered a brief series of self-deprecating comments. He asked how many cable lobbyists were in the room, not really expecting a grand showing of hands (although there were plenty in the crowd of well over 1,200 lawyers and their guests). Martin pointed out that he had asked that no knives be placed on the table settings, fearing how the cable lobbyists might use them on him.

"It's better to be safe than sorry," Martin deadpanned. He went on to say, "I don't know how much the cable industry spent [on its recent lobbying campaign against his regulatory plan], but if the country goes into a recession, it won't be my fault."

Martin made several remarks about his penchant to hold meetings that start late at night, and then...noting that all the other 4 FCC commissioners were at the head table, he said he'll start a meeting "early" -- and called the session to order at that moment (about 9:15 pm).

Martin then started an awkwardly presented Powerpoint presentation, which included a proposal for a new TV show he suggested called "That 70/70 Show." The following slide featured the Photoshopped images of all five commissioners dressed in goofy 1970s attire, Displaying a subsequent altered picture, Martin acknowledged references that he had been "cooking the numbers" in connection with his cable plan -- while the on-screen image showed a chef stirring a pot in which there was a copy of the "Warren Factbook" (the source of the cable penetration numbers at the source of the 70/70 furor).

Martin went on to talk about his penchant for fighting news leaks from the FCC, saying that to combat leaks in the future he would personally "write all the orders myself." That would mean no one could complain about not knowing about the material beforehand since everyone would see the orders at the same time. Additionally, acknowledging the inevitable complaints from his opponents on the Commission, Martin said, "I'll make their job easier. I'll write the dissents, too."

Martin then turned to the hottest topic of 2007...the iPhone. He questioned whether it was such a smart phone after all. "If it were really a smart phone, it would tell when the Commission meetings will start" (another reference to his scheduling penchant.)

Martin also made several references to the NAB's battle against the XM-Sirius proposed merger.

He then turned to the inevitable top 10 list --- again plagued by an uncooperative Powerpoint display system (the full list will inevitably turn up on other websites...I could not copy the entries fast enough). Many involved the Verizon and AT&T role in the upcoming spectrum auction.

Martin then introduced the FCC Chorale Singers, an ad hoc group of commission staffers who prepare and a capella sing timely satirical song parodies...in the past only for internal consumption at FCC HQ. In what seemed to be their first public appearance, the group offered seven clever songs (in many ways overshadowing Martin's own uncomfortable presentation). Their songs ranged from "Let Them Merge" (to the tune of "Let It Snow"), extolling the value of the XMSR/SIRI merger, to "Spectrum Wonderland" ("Winter Wonderland") plus a timely paean to the previous night's FCC vote on the Verizon forebearance petition and a witty ditty about cable's a la carte pricing.

The chorus' performance actually ran a few moments longer (and got many more laughs) than Martin's hyper-short presentation.

Former NAB President Eddie Fritts introduced Martin, with several comments about the plight of broadcasters. Fritts, now a consultant, also noted his own Mississippi routes and referred to the rumors going around DC that he is being considered to be appointed as the replacement for departing Mississippi Senator Trent Lott. Fritts noted that in the finest and normal Washington tradition, the rumors are being spread by Fritts himself.

You could say a good time was had by all -- even though Martin, despite his uncomfortable ingratiating remarks, looked like the guy having the least good time of the night.

Posted by Cynthia Brumfield on December 6, 2007 1:56 PM to IP Democracy